generally, i can get by quite happily on my own. i even enjoy it from time to time. but at the moment, uni is leaving me feeling very lonely. i sit for 7 hours in a room with 13 other people i met 2 weeks ago. i dont know these people. my work related conversations with them probably amounts to 90 minutes a day. my un-work related conversations with  them will total <15 minutes a day. all spread very thinly. this is worse than being alone. alone i like. alone i can relax and not worry about the world. alone is fine. lonely sucks

the end of my first year at uni is drawing near. well, its 2 months and a whole ton of work away but whatever lets move on. i am quite seriously thinking about doing a post grad of some description in america. dont really know why - itl cost alot of money and i dont know what i think il get out of it but there you have it. i think i want to do it.

Sometimes they love each other so much it takes their breath away, and sometimes they don't - but while, at first, they had hated each other when they didn't love each other, now they still consider the other a precious gift never to be wasted, even when they argue.

regrets

its kinda late in the year, but i often regret choosing birmingham for uni. ive seriously considered leaving on multiple occasions. i like the people i work with and sometimes the course is really good. but i feel like quite alot of the tutors dont really know how to teach. and the practical things we learn whilst on shows is good but shows only make up 5/6 weeks of the year. and now we are heading into our final term - assessments are coming and i feel like they have been majorly dropped on us from nowhere. 1 of our assessments is 2nd week back and we dont have a brief for it to work on over easter. which means we will have a week to do it when we get back. on top of all our other work that we do know about.
so sometimes i think about leaving. and im not the only one. but we like each other and who wants to go through the awkward bit again?

realising the person you think of as youre best friend isnt actually your best friend anymore is weird. whenever we hang out its like it always used to be. except we know next to nothing about each others lives now

ive never had a problem letting myself down. theres no end to the how far id go or how hard il work to help someone out, but for my own benefit, i suppose i dont think im worth the effort