haircut

i got very nearly a foot cut off. i now have a bob. with a fringe. ive never had a fringe before.
i washed it for the first time this morning. good points - takes about 15 minutes less than it used to. bad points - i actually have to do stuff to it else it...doesnt work. and stay away from humidity cos frizz now has a major effect - it gets huge.
im sure il get used to it all

i think about what i eat which is probably for the best

i dont snack on slices of cheese anymore. i try not to have carbs for breakfast, lunch and dinner. although it does still take up the majority of my food intake - pasta, bread, pasta, potatoes and pasta. im aware that i probably should eat more protein. definitely more vegetables. that arent potatoes. i do ok on fruit, when we have any. i now snack on raisins. and i do need like to snack. usually when im bored. and i think thats my biggest issue. im always amazed by how little i think about eating when im working as opposed to when im not.
but im pretty sure i am hungry now so im going to make a sandwich. even though i had pasta for dinner. im mad like that

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more often than not these days i find it really hard to get out of bed. this worries me. i dont want to turn into that person again.

you can probably ignore this

last year i had a 5 month relationship with someone who was already in a (pretty serious) relationship. im still not really sure how i feel about the whole thing. clearly hes a dickhead for cheating so spectacularly and im not exactly proud of myself for the whole thing but thats not really what im trying to get at. well, i dont think so. lets just see where i end up.
what gets me about the whole thing is that at some point towards the end, i was kinda....bored. and so over it and him and i didnt care. really didnt care that he was with his gf. and when he sent me a message saying that all this really should stop cos i do really love my gf. i was pretty meh. honestly. little disappointed, but fine.
then we didnt talk for a month. and all was well.
then he asked how my interview went. and that grew into a thread of epic proportions, multiple extended messages everyday. about nothing in particular, probably flirtatious. then he told me he was moving and that he wanted to see me before he left. i really wanted to see him. really really. more than i ever had when we were...whatever we were. so we met up - in public, with no chance of a home visit. and it was good. when we parted that day, i was filled with more sadness and heartache than i have ever known. he sent me a message when he got home which basically said sorry. i never replied and that was that.
how on earth did it change so much in less than 2 months? and why now, 2 months later, does it still plague my thoughts every so often?

did you know that applying to uni can be stressful?

youd think thats the kind of thing they would tell you. ok, so they do tell you. didnt help though. i feel like my college has failed me in preparing for this. i definitely think i am failing myself with my complete lack of a clue on how to proceed. and today i really let down someone i love. which feels rubbish.
sucks to be me

oh dear

i am dangerously addicted to the following:
everwood
gilmore girls
veronica mars
i fucking love them. i watch them obsessively. thank god for the internet.

that is all.

content

as with any crappy blog such as this, my first few posts will no doubt centre on what the hell i should write about. i feel like i should have some thread of commonality between them all, beyond the author, but i dont think i have anything i could write that much about. particularly myself. though i may one day regret committing this to print type - i dont find myself that interesting. or maybe i take that back - i wouldnt - indeed, i dont - know what to say about myself.

i think i shall draw this post to a close now. i have a hugely important tv show to watch.