well ive been a little busy. just finished the musical on saturday (doing the get out untill 1.45am - yay) came home on sunday. london is the best place ever. why did i ever leave?
in other news me and my brother are trying to buy a house. well, probably a flat. and isnt house hunting just the most fun thing ever!? no. no its not

letters

the first thing i do when writing a letter is stamp and address so that i wont chicken out of actually writing (or sending) the thing. or if i do, that it costs me money. i hate to be wasteful

the last 20 minutes

ive just spent 20 minutes doing sit ups. i did 70. i think. i lost count but i definitely did at least 70. and by my calculations thats just over 17 seconds per sit up. although i didnt do them all in one go. i did 20 had a short rest. tried to do another 20 but stopped at 10 and had a longer rest. then i tried to do 20 again and i couldnt get past 18 so i had another long rest and then did 12. which, now i add them up is actually 80 all together which is 1 per 15 seconds. on average. i also bought a full length mirror today. cos im sick of trying to see what i look like in the one above my sink cos i have to stand on the toilet. and i have come so close to breaking my neck.

ive been so bad at this

since i moved to uni

stressing in releation to my sexuality

i warn you now, this is not the most organised bunch of thoughts youll ever read. and i dont think i make my point very well. but that wasnt really the point. also, i get a bit ranty at the end

that is not something i do very often. or ever, really. its never been a problem for me or any of my friends. anyone who was bothered was probably someone i never gave a shit about anyway. but thats getting away from the issue ive had today. a girl on my course, id call her a friend, said she wouldnt go out with a bi girl. she said shed had bad experiences and wouldnt date one again. i was a little surprised at the time, a little shocked. hurt, outraged, pissed off. i dont know. but not good. and we talked about it for a while, i called her bi-phobic, and she mostly made it worse for herself. then she said if she met someone special who was bi, she might go out with her. isnt that what all dating is? you meet someone special and you date them. you dont date all the people who fit your gender + sexuality criteria. so now shes saying she would date a bi in the right circumstances i.e she fancies them enough, but still says she wouldnt date a bi generally. which i find fucking stupid.
this has been brewing in my head since lunchtime and im feeling worse about it now than i did then. i just cant believe that she would think like that, and think think theres nothing wrong with it. i like this girl. i consider her a friend. she says she doesnt have a problem with bi people, she just wouldnt date one. can she not see how twisted that is? even mare twisted by the fact that she would date one, so the prejudice she has is all in her head. god thats stupid, where else would it be? do you know what im trying to say? shes creating that fence herself, consciously. even though she admits that theres a gate.

also, this whole incedent is being exacerbated. i think its bringing up some bad memories. like people asking about my sexuality, me telling them im bi and then they say things like "yeah, but what are you really?" and "so when are you gonna decide?" or "i used to be bi, youll get past it eventually" im starting to think that shit got to me.
fuck this shit. im bi. im fine with that. ive always been fine with it. so has everyone i give a shit about. but fuck me if the couple of fuckers i meet along the way dont get to me. i fucking hate when people imply its a phase. i fucking hate that stupid look they give you that says 'of course you are dear'. i fucking hate when people roll their eyes cos heres another one, fucking with everyone cos they cant make up their stupid little minds. i hate the assumption that im not faithful, that if im with a guy for too long il miss girls and il start wandering. fuck you. fuck you all. fuck you motherfuckers.

i think that shit definitely got to me

grumble

i was excited to be on show. ive missed it. the show is 2 hours 20 minutes long. i have 6 cues. so BORED.

well this week is going by pretty bloody fast. the to do list on my wall is nearly onto a second page. part of the marks for each of my modules is a reflective journal where i write about what we learned in each lesson and how we felt about it and what we thought we did well on and how we could improve yadda yadda. its not that you have to write that much, its that theres just not that much to write about yet. hopefully itll get easier.
today we finally got our first show allocations. we were supposed to find out 4 days ago but whatever, we know now. im on the show i wanted in  the role i wanted so YAY. the schedule is intense though and it plows straight over my birthday - just as well that i like my job eh. i bought a sketchbook today that i probably shouldnt have, considering the money troubles im having at the moment. not just on a whim though, i do need it for a class but i could have got a cheaper one. or used the one i already have.
not much else i dont think. except its lgbt bar crawl on saturday! i am going to party hard. speaking of which, when i posted that id joined lgbt society on my facebook, my aunt wrote that it was 'an interesting choice'. do you think theres is something she wants to ask me?